Let me lighten the mood around here with a story about my students. There hasn't been a whole lot to tell here the past week or so because everyone is sick. Whatever it was, it went like lightening through my class.  We've had high fevers, bad coughs and my personal favorite, projectile mucus. They were dropping like flies.

          Meanwhile, those who had stronger immune systems stayed on to play (wait for it...wait for it..) Bingo. Pedro is offically addicted and feels he must ask me everyday at least six times if we are going to play. I'm a little worried about him because he's like a crack addict about the game. I've had to explain to him and show him on the calendar that we only play on days that start with the letter "T".  He says ok and then asks me a half hour later if we are going to play. It is at that point I stop and just look at him with this expression on my face which can only read like, "Please tell me you did not ask me that question because I'm just seconds away from banging my head to a bloody pulp against this wall here".  He usually figures out my expression and says, "Opps...sorry B". (My class now feels just calling me B instead of Miss. B is ok)

          We happened to be playing yesterday and Mrs. Jackie was sitting in between Ricky and Pedro playing along with her own card. It came to pass that she actually got Bingo first but she push her card away from her on the table to help out Ricky. Ricky ended up winning Bingo for that round which completely pissed off everyone else for some reason. (Ok, it was the third time in four games he won but he was just lucky) Mrs. Jackie had her back towards Pedro as she helped Ricky read off his Bingo card to me to check to make sure he wasn't cheating. While she was helping, Pedro took her card and switched it out with hers. He was savvy enough to cover all the spaces to make it look like her card with the markers on it. He then sat there quietly until Ricky was done and then said, "Hey B. . . . one more". I looked at him and was thinking I didn't remember him having Bingo. Then Mrs. Jackie discovered what he did. Before she could say anything, I got onto her because she's famous for giving the kids her card when it Bingos so they can get the prize. Pedro had the nerve to sit there and blame it all on Mrs. Jackie. He said, "It's Mrs. Jackie's fault". Then Mrs. Jackie told me this time she didn't give her card to Pedro and he had actually took it to pass it off as his. Oh man! Pedro did not hear the end of that for about ten minutes and we pretty much reminded him all day that there is no cheating in Room 1. I do have to say I am fairly impressed at the level of manipulation it took to try and pull that one over on me and Mrs. Jackie. And they say my kids are special....lol.

 

 

 

                   I'm sorry to everyone that reads me regularly. I've had to keep a low profile for awhile given the utter bullshit which has taken place at my job. I cannot elaborate all that much until I have employment for next year but I have resigned my position with my school district. I will finish out my contract but I will not be working for the district I am now for the upcoming year. In a nutshell, I was forced out due to some underhanded and illegal things. I could have fought for my job through the courts but after much consideration, I don't want to work for a district that doesn't give a damn about children with special needs other than the fact they represent dollars to them. This is a small district I'm in and quite frankly when the Superintendent and Vice Superintendent decline to go to a workshop on Special Education because "they have no interest in it", that says it all to me. My students get enough people who think they are worth nothing in the world, they shouldn't have to get that from their school too. My only consolation in everything this small minded district has put me through is this: "What goes around, comes around". Threefold too :)

                My only regret in all of this is that my students lose out once again. I feel really bad. I fought for them every step of the way and that's exactly what got me into trouble. Silly me for expecting administrators to be professionals. Silly me for expecting the law to be followed. Silly me to expect adequate training and staffing. I can leave at least knowing I did everything I could to do what was right, fair and just for my students. I can go to sleep at night knowing that I would do it all again the same way because someone has to speak for them. My reward may not come here upon this earth but hopefully someone above will take note. Now I start the process all over looking for work. This is very stressful to me but I have to do it. Keep your fingers crossed I land somewhere better than where I am now.

 

 

 

                 Death is a fascinating concept to kids. Ricky is obssessed with it at the moment as he keeps asking me if my cat is still dead every few hours. I can't remember how we got on the subject. I think he overheard me telling one of my aides what had happened and I ended up explaining to my entire class about my cat. This started a game of 20 questions about the cat and if he's still dead. They haven't gotten that idea of permanence yet. I'm half tempted to bring in the ashes of my cat after he has been cremated to share but I'm afraid they would all want to play with them plus we'd all need group therapy.

 

                Not to be outdone, my niece Kiki comes to up to me at my parent's house on Monday and says, "Hey Auntie T., did you know Petey is dead"? My other niece Mariah is sitting on the couch dying of embarrassment.  She's 12. Kiki is 6. I say to Kiki, "Yes, I know. I was there with him when he died". Kiki screws up her face and then says to me, "Well did you take any pictures of him dying"? Mariah at this point yells at Kiki to shut up. I tell her it's ok. She's six. I say to Kiki, "No hon...I was crying too hard to take pictures". She says, "Oh" and runs off to go torture my mom's cats.

 

 

 

 

            Kalep is still protesting love. He stayed home today from school pretending to be sick. Mrs. Jackie decided we should call him up to wish him a Happy Valentine's Day just to rub it in. His mom put him on the phone and he was trying to play it off like it didn't phase him we were calling.

 

          Isaac was struck with the sentiment of the day and came in with his Valentine's day cards and extra heart stickers. He proceeded to decorate everyone that walked in the door. Then he decorated all of the chairs with stickers as well.

 

         Luis came in with his backpack and I asked him if he had his Valentines with him. He said he did. However, when he went off for Speech, I checked his backpack and found no cards. I had the suspicion that he didn't have any. That made me feel bad. However, I also have always had extra Valentines on had every year since I started teaching so nobody is ever without. I quickly made up the cards for everyone and put them into his backpack. When the time came for everyone to exchange cards or goodies they brought, I asked Luis to go get his backpack. He seemed a little hesitant at first and I knew why. He opened his backpack and stood there for several minutes just looking into the bag stunned. He was so amazed he had Valentines to give. He got a big grin on his face and handed the cards with little treats out to his friends. Knowing I made him happy was my gift on Valentine's day. It's the little things like that which make it all worth it.

     I wanted to thank everyone who left comments, called or sent emails to me about my cat. It was much appreciated on such a difficult day. Top off a horrible weekend, I was told in an email by the guy I just went out with last week that there, “aren’t enough things in the total package” about me. Nice huh. I think that has to be one of the meanest things I’ve heard in a long time. I was already down due to the death of my cat. That comment was uncalled for and actually made me cry. My colleague from Kenya put it this way. He said in his unique way, “Girl, you should get down on your knees and thank God for saving you from that fool”. Amen to that brother.

 

 

 

             I am a bad teacher today. I have been impatient. I have been short with the kids. I haven't found them funny. My dread over what I had to do today after school was fueling this mood. I should have taken the day off. I feel guilty now that I didn't. Instead I thought if I could keep busy I would stop thinking about having to put my cat down and other issues in my personal life. Unfortunately, things that normally don't bother me or annoy me greatly were just magnified. I'm sure my students thought I was a bitch-on-wheels today. They were probably right. I'll have to make it up to them on Tuesday. (We are off Monday yay!)

 

            I rushed out of school to go pick up my cat to take him to the vet. I cried the whole way home. It's a wonder I didn't get into a wreck. When I got to my parent's house, I knew I had made the right choice because the cat was sitting on the bed looking very incohesive. This was not the same cat I have known and loved for the past 17.5 years. I picked him up gingerly and put him into the cat carrier. I took him out to my car and got ready to go. My cat looked up at me with these big sad eyes and I immediately felt so guilty. I turned off the radio and just drove in silence with the cat. I talked to him as we went thanking him for being such a good friend and companion all these years. I asked him to forgive me for what I had to do. The staff at my vet's office were so good to the both of us when we arrived. They did everything they could to make this process as painless as they could for the cat and for me. Petey died in my arms and I will be forever grateful that I was there when he took his last breath. It doesn't erase the pain in my heart but I know he is not suffering anymore. Right now I just feel empty.

 

 

         As I was mentioning in my earlier blog, I spent this afternoon in a conference with another teacher and her university advisor since she is an Intern at the moment. I happen to be her coach. I went through the same process when I became a teacher so I am happy to help another educator in my field any time. I went in the day before and watched her conduct a lesson with her class. She teaches the LH class (Learning Handicap) class which is a step above what I teach. Students in her class have IQ's somewhere between 60-80. I was in awe how all her students knew their sounds, letters, blends and other elements of reading. Two of my former students from last year, Lorenzo and Raymond, are now in that class. I'm always so thrilled when I can move students out of my class into to hers because I know they have made great gains.  I could have cried tears of joy when I saw Raymond and Lorenzo reading. It makes me feel better because I know these two kids might actually make it someday.

       Being in that classroom was a great eye opener for me. I felt a little envious of this teacher because she was actually teaching some academics. It's not like I don't. It's just that my group is not going to be at that level.

       I walked into my room after just seeing that fabulous academic display in the other class and saw Adrian hanging upside down out of his seat, Issac running around, Kebyn torturing someone and copus amounts of a runny nose going down another student's face. I thought to myself that my record was finally shattered. After six years of moving at least one student up (which is unheard of in the world of Moderate/Severe), there will be nobody moving up this year. We can barely form a straight line as it is without someone hitting someone and two people tattling about it.

 

 

            I think I'm going to start boycotting this whole Student of the Month nonsense we have at my school every month. Every time I pick one of my students to get this honor, it is the kiss of death. They immediately become the most obnoxious child in the class hands down. This month's pick was no exception. I decided to pick Adrian because he's really done well learning his letters and sounds since he has return from Christmas break. He's stopped his dying act during transitions too so I thought I should reward him for doing well. My mistake! He has been the biggest pill. He has pestered his classmates to death. He's been in Time Out. He's been taking his time coming in from recess. He's wet his pants. He's fallen out of his chair and given me ugly looks when asked to keep both feet on the floor. You'd think he would learn after giving himself the half shiner awhile back.

            Today was the award assembly. He threw such a fit over the fact he didn't want to get out of chair. Normally I can barely get him to stay in the chair. He completely missed the whole ceremony including ice cream and punch. I happened to be in another teacher's room at the moment having a conference with her and the university advisor assigned to her since I am am her Intern Coach. My aides reported to me what Adrian had done and I was disgusted with him. I went up to him and said, "I heard you missed out on the ice cream". He perked up and looked around like I had some. I said, "How sad you didn't want to be Student of the Month". To which one of my other charming students replied, "Well that was just stupid".

 

 

                   Part of being a teacher is having the ability to leave your personal troubles at the door before you come into the classroom. Some days that is easier said then done. I'm having one of those weeks. It started off yesterday with having to make the appointment to put my dear cat Petey to sleep. He is 17.5 years old and his kidneys are shutting down. I'm having such a hard time dealing with this because this cat has been with me through every major event in my adult life. He's been through a marriage, a divorce, numerous graduations for various degrees, all the bad dates and small career triumphs. He's never cared how much I weighed or how ugly I looked when I woke up in the morning. He's never judged me, only loved me. Being single all these years and having no children of my own, he's the closest thing I'll ever have as far as a family. He's given me unconditional love which is more than I can say for some of the humans I know.  Now I am faced with the dreaded task of saying goodbye and I am rubbish at goodbyes. I wear my heart on my sleeve and I just feel so wounded...so utterly wounded that Life has taken away one of the only good things I have. I could always count on that cat to cheer me up when someone had said something hurtful. I know he's suffering so I must do the humane thing for him. I just wish I didn't feel like a little piece of me was dying with him.  My only consolation is the hope there really is a heaven and someday hopefully I shall see him again. Meanwhile I must find a way to put on a brave face for my students so that they won't know I'm grieving for numerous reasons. That is the trick. How can one carry on and still be human at the same time? I just feel so terribly sad and I don't know how get past it to be the professional I know I am. Friday afternoon, after class is the time when I must say goodbye. How can I even teach that day? I know some people would only say it just a cat. For me, Petey was more than a cat. He was my family.

                    

 

 

             Today I had my students write a super story about what love is. For those of you that don't know, "super story" is an activity I created to help my students who are all English language learners use thier prior knowledge to help craft a story. Each student gives me a word, a phrase or even a sentence to add to the story. This is today's story:

 

                         What Love Means

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

             Today I was using food to teach math. I like doing this because it's something my students can relate to plus food for them is highly motivating. I was using Fruit Loops today to teach colors, sorting, patterning and fine motor skills. Our fine motor skills in my classroom are deplorable so any chance I can get to improve them I'll take. After the kids had sorted and done some patterning with their Fruit Loops, I had them string them on a string to make a necklace. Trust me when I say that was the highlight of their day. I was stringing along to give a visual reference to what they were supposed to be doing. I happened to be sitting next to Ricky who was in a very chatty mood. He noticed my string of Fruit Loops was rather long and said. "Miss. B. . . .  your necklace is growing". This comment set in motion a chain reaction of general silliness. Kalep said, "Miss. B is a cookie farmer". I looked at him and raised an eyebrow. I decided to be silly too and said, "I'm not a cookie farmer today". This makes everyone laugh. I don't get it but it must be Special Ed humor. Samuel then pipes up and says, " Miss B. is growing huevos." Now this could mean eggs in Spanish or it could  be the slang for balls/testicles in Spanish as well. I almost fall off my chair. I then say, "Huevos? You mean bigger than the ones I have now"? Samuel laughs and says, "You can walk around naked". I have to raise an eyebrow at him for that comment which has everyone laughing again. Isaiah A. then quips, "If you walk around naked Miss.B. . . everyone will laugh at you". Oh Snap! He did not just say that to me. Unfortunately he did and is probably right as well. He then says, "You could ride naked on a white horse". That's when I stopped the conversation because it was just getting a bit too surreal for me. It also proves I am a goddess to the eight and under crowd. How I wish that were true of men my own age. Meanwhile Luis knocked his Fruit Loops off the table twice already. He knocks the whole pile off for third time which has now annoyed Pedro. Pedro looks at Luis and says, "Shit Luis...you did it again".

 

 

              I really would like to thank MSN for featuring my blog again. I held this honor a while back and it's nice to see the blog is still being read.

 

             Kid's perceptions of the world are interesting. Mine all think that I live in my classroom. Why not? I'm there before they arrive every day and I'm there after they leave. They haven't made the connection that I actually leave and go home. This perception also applies to any kind of body functions I might have. Just as you never see anyone on a soap opera say, "I've got to take a pee", you never see teachers use the bathroom either. We quitely hurry away to the teacher's lounge on recess and lunch most days.  Fortunately for me, there is a staff bathroom right across the way from my classroom inside the Kindergarten wing. There are just times when I cannot wait until recess. This is usually when I've had too much coffee or diet coke to start of the day. Today was one of those days. I said quietly to one of my aides that I was going to slip out to use the bathroom and would be right back. As I started to leave about six of my students asked me where I was going. I quietly said I was going to use the bathroom and would return. All of a sudden, Kevin says quizzically, " Bathroom....Miss. B...you use the bathroom"? Apparently he must have been under the impression I had a bladder of steal.  I said, "Yes...I'm going to the bathroom". Walked out the door and did my thing. I returned shortly to my room where I was met by another round of questions by Kevin. He said, " You go bathroom Miss. B"? I looked at him and said, "Yes, even teachers need to go or they will wet their pants". This brought out howls of laughter from my entire class.

 

 

 

                I'm the post office yesterday after school in the small town where I work because I love the fact the line is always short there. It actually makes being in the post office pleasant. I'm standing in a line of all of two people when I hear these voices outside. They are loud and obnoxious. I think to myself they sound pretty familiar but I must be hallucinating from being worn out from having such rowdy students. Then all of a sudden the door to the post office is flung open with great gusto and there stands my student Pedro. He yells, "Hey Miss. B", which causes everyone to stare at me. I say to him, "Pedro, this is the post office...shhhhh". Then he disappears as fast as he came. Within seconds the door is flung open again and there is his brother who is also my student. He yells, "Hey B"! I say the same thing again, "This is the post office...shhhhh"! I was throughly embarrassed waiting my turn in line. No matter where I go, I cannot escape!