I didn't blog yesterday because I was so worn out from our field trip. Every year, we have to go to our county's fair. I truly hate this field trip because it's always hot and there is just too much lag time. There is a similiar trip in the Spring called "Farm Day in the City" which I love. It's better structured and there is more for the kids to do and see. At least though I was able to put my foot down about going on "Special People" day. I hate, hate, HATE that day. It just feels like I'm parading my kids around for everyone to gawk at. Bleck! At least I got my school to agree to let me go on with the regular Kindergarten classes so we could mainstream.

        The kids had a great time seeing all the animals. Things were going great when all of a sudden we were in the cow barn and my new student decided he was deathly afraid of cows. Huh? We've talked about them, read stories about them and even looked at pictures of them. Never once has my student voiced his phobia. Maybe he once drank a glass of expired milk and he was having post traumatic stress disorder over it.  Who knows. Trying to get him out of the barn was about as hard as dragging one of those giant heffers out. Thank god nobody else had any phobias. One of parents told me this morning though that her son now wants a chicken as a pet.

 

 

                 Holy Heck! My entire class is PMSing. (And my only girl has been absent) My boys have been the biggest crab apples since Monday and it's only Tuesday! Never have I seen so much griping at one another, tattle tailing, and just general bitchiness in one room. Ricky was so awful to everyone I almost put him outside the door. I was enjoying what another student had said to me and laughed. He had the nerve (and insanity) to tell me to stop laughing because he didn't like it. I shot the teacher look of death at him before I spoke. I said, "Excuse me"? He immediately said sorry since realized he just sassed the wrong person. His mom came to pick him from school and I asked her if anything had happened over the weekend or that morning before school since Ricky was in such a bad mood. She smiled and said that she had asked him to go get his backpack out of her car and bring it in the house. Ricky got out there to get the backpack and I guess the door to the car was locked. He went back inside and said to his mom, "...the God damn car is locked" in a not so nice of tone. His mom then said to me, "...so I said to him 'Oh hell no you just didn't speak to me like that'". I had to bite my lip to keep from laughing since I immediately caught the irony of that.

 

 

           I really appreciate everyone's suggestions so far and I did catch the news article on the special needs toy catalogue. I will also check that out. I have run into something very interesting. There is a HUGE gap in the market for children with specials needs that are older for appropriate toys and equipment. I love the suggestion of a three wheel bike like adults use. Here is my big problem-MONEY. The cheapest one I could find there was $258.00 at Walmart. Let's face it, I work for a school district. It's got to be about $150 or under if I'm going to get my wish.  Otherwise I can do what every other teacher (Gen Ed or Special Ed) does-wish for the magic curriculum and equipment fairy to make a magical donation to my class. There are great things on the market but the costs are so prohibited that it's a wonder how anyone can afford the equipment. My boss did agree with me and I told her I needed her to brainstorm this problem. The thing is the next class up from mine is a 4th-8th grade class. They have nothing as far as equipment except for some balls and things like that. Trying to solve this problem could be beneficial for many more students than just mine.

 

 

            If any of you have had a nerve conduction test or an EMG...Yowchie! It hurts. I was still buzzing a little after we were done. Good news! No nerve damage although I feel like my nerves are shot today. I am going to put this question out to my readers of this blog and maybe you can help me brainstorm this issue. I have a new student who I mentioned before is as a big as I am and he's 8. He's very low functioning and his gross motor skills are lacking. He wants to ride the tricycles during recess with the Kindergartners. A) He's too big for them. B) To me, there is nothing that actually screams "retarded" more than a child who is a hulking kid on a little bike. I want him to fit in and not be made fun of by other students. I want him to be playing with equipment more developmentally appropriate for his chronological age, not his mental age. Is this wrong me of to want that? Am I limiting him because I think that a tricycle is not appropriate for a large 8 year old? Do you all have suggestions as to different types of equipment you have used or seen that may be more appropriare at recess for my student? I am going to research different companies tonight and see what I can come up with that might be better.  Please post your ideas in the comment section or if that isn't working email me at theshortbusqueen@yahoo.com.

 

 

              I am going to be out of class tomorrow morning have the living daylights zapped out of me via little electrodes for a nerve conduction test. My boss graciously said she'd cover for me for a few hours so I wouldn't have to take the day off. Now, this was very nice of her to do. However, is it wrong of me to tell my aides to let Isaac be in his element in the morning when he's Joe Hyper? There is this part of me that wants my boss to see that this kid had no business being placed in a Gen Ed Kindergarten class. He's barely making it in my room. He's earned the nickname "Flash" as in Flash Gordon he's that fast. I nicely left lesson plans giving my boss the key which is 20 minutes of music each morning to settle him down.  I can't really bite the hand that feeds me. More to follow on this subject tomorrow.....

           

 

 

            Tomorrow is September 19th and that is the offical day to "Talk Like A Pirate" if you didn't know. I'm half-tempted to have the kids make pirate hats. I wonder if my boss will let me conduct the IEP I'm supposed to do talking like that? I could liven up the situation. I'm not really looking forward to it since the parent is mad at my boss. I've been keeping on her good side-the parent that is. I'm always up for tormenting my boss. Speaking of imitations, Ricky has been going around singing," ...but you gotta have friends...". I'm thinking the kid has finally discovered show tunes and is doing a wonderful Bette Midler. Low and behold, I was corrected by my aides. Apparently that song is also in the movie Shrek which I somehow forgot. I'm showing my age rapidly.

 

In Honor of "Talk Like A Pirate Day", these are the top 10 pick lines for a pirate....

 

10. Avast me proud beauty! Want to know why my Roger is so jolly?

 

9. Have ya ever met a man with a real yardam?

 

8. Come up and see me urchins.

 

7. Yes, that is a hornpipe in my pocket and I am happy to see you.

 

6. I've love to drop anchor in your lagoon.

 

5. Pardon me, wouyld ya mind if I fired me cannon through your porthole?

 

4. How'd you like to scrape barnicles off of me rudder?

 

3.  Ya know darlin' I'm 97 percent chum free.

 

2. Well blow me down?

 

1. Prepare to be borded.

 

 

               I am happy to report that the child I spoke about in my previous post suddenly took a turn for the better. He went four days this past week without a tantrum or crying. With this improvement, he doesn't have to come to me. Quite frankly, they should be thrilled at the other school this has happened.

 

 

 

               Ok. So I went on in a couple of postings before about being invited to a Student Study Team meeting on another campus in our district for a child in General Education. I went and sat through the most ridculous gathering of teachers (they certainly weren't educators) I have been through yet. I thought our staff meetings were brutal but they are nothing compared to the stupidity I witnessed.  Basically it boils down to that the child (1st Grade-6 years old)  having major tantrums and crying (wailing) every morning at school lasting 2-3 hours. These tantrums are now escalating to injurious behavior towards other students but more towards the student himself.  It started off in Kindergarten and now has gone on for over a year.  He doesn't interact with his peers and he parallel plays at recess. He likes being around adults and helping out in the office. So there is me sitting there and I ask if I can ask the mother, who is there, a few questions. Everyone looks at me like I have three heads but I continue. I first ask what the sleeping arrangements are at the home. This brings more looks of horror. The mom reports that the child sleeps with her and her husband. Ah ha..Clue #1. I then ask if he son had ever been to Preschool. The mom reports that none of her childern have even been. Ah ha..Clue # 2.  Mom then reports later that he had to take him to the doctor last year because he had a "nervous stomach". The doctor had referred them for some counseling besides treating the stomach problem.  Ah ha...Clue # 3. To me, it was really clear what was going on. The poor child in question has a serious case of separation anxiety and needs help. Instead I heard the teacher say, "I just need him to be fixed". The child's prinicpal said, "He just needs to sit down in his chair and stop this".  That's when I reminded that entire staff that they have let this go on now for over a year and suddenly they wanted a magical cure. Where was the referral a year ago? That didn't win me any friends but I could have cared less. The easy solution to this problem was to get an aide in there to work with the child one-on-one until the Mental Health services people could take over the case and work with the child. The prinicpal (who is by far the biggest ass in education I've ever met) wanted the child sent home to be home schooled. The teacher balked at having an aide because she felt it just "enabled the child to continue the behavior". It was at that point I realized why my boss invited me to this meeting. She's a smart cookie. She knew if I sat there long enough listening to the garbage being spewed from those idiots in the room I would take this case. She was right. I just couldn't stand the way the were talking about this kid any longer. Finally, I turned to my boss and said, "It's easier for me to break in three new ones, meaning my two new behavior cases and this one, than to do it one at a time". My boss then spoke up and offered to have the child come to me for a week so we could break the behavior. Then after being the second most hated person in the room (My boss is the first), I became this savior. Ugh! I said to the staff that I would reduce the behavior but I could not eliminate it in a week's time. They would have to accept that because it might take all year before the child is adjusted enough to be able to function without having an anxiety attack. There was also the possibility that he could work well for me but the moment that he went back to his own school, he might fall apart again. They were willing to deal with that because they basically wanted to dump the problem on someone else. So, on Monday this child will becoming to my class. I've already informed my aides what is going to happen and I apologized to them in advance. I told my boss that the other school needs to buy us all a round of margaritas for doing their work. Hmmm....and you wonder why that school is now in sanctions and has a trustee from the state running the school? Could it be the staff? (I have to stop rolling my eyes before I hurt myself)

 

 

           My mother had sent me today a funny email of people that had dressed up their dogs in hideous costumes. The pictures were quite amusing and clean so I decided to share them with my class. I knew the kids would get a kick out of seeing people dress up their dogs. That simply doesn't happen here in the town where I teach. I am showing the students the photos slowly scrolling down the page until we come across a dog that has been dressed in a black bra and underwear. All of a sudden I hear Issac from the back shout, "Hey... Just like Mom"!

(See attached photo)

 

 

                Just when I thought the spider drama was over, I was so wrong. I had a very long day today at school and had gone to a workshop tonight on using music in the classroom. (By the way, Joshua from Lakeshore Educational...You Rocked!) It was about 9:15 when I finally got back home. I walk in and feel really bad for not having been with my cats all day. The first thing I usually do is walk into the kitchen to see if they need any food since their food bowls are there. I flip on the light and look down to see if they need food. Then I see the aracnoterrorist not more than 10 inches away from the food bowls! Yes....that's right....a big old black widow in my house! I would have screamed except I went into killing mode. Oh hell no if any spider is going to hurt my cats! I removed the food bowls and out came the bug spray. I zapped the spider until there was a puddle of bug spray on floor. Then the spider started flopping about which caught the attention of my one cat. I literally had to hurl the cat out of the kitchen before I could finish the job. Now, I don't know if this was the actual spider I thought came in on my clothes the other night or if this was a member of the family seeking revenge for the one I killed outside the other day. All I know is that I'm freaked out to go into my kitchen without full body armour and blowtorch. So...I might not have been crazy the other night when I thought I felt something crawling on me. Makes my full showering with clothes on not seem so insane now.

 

 

 

               During a quiet activity, Ricky could not stop talking today. I had asked him nicely to stop. He said to me out of the blue, "Yes, your Highness. Your wish is my comand". I almost fell over from laughing. I think he's caught on to sarcasm :)

 

 

 

                I am in the teacher's lounge today when my boss shows up. I'm thinking, "Oh God, here we go again". And I was right! A mother had come to school to register her two children. Both of them are very mentally retarded. The one in question is in 3rd grade and was untestable as to what his mental capacity should be. He also comes with a behavior plan. That's when I nearly lost it. The child in question is as big as I am and has problems with aggression, defiance, running out of the room and inappropriate touching of other children and adults. When I signed on for this job, one of the things we discussed was not taking any children back with behavior plans. Nobody but me is trained to deal with this type of behavior on my campus. I'm really worried about this new student. I'm worried that one of my other students is going to be hurt or he's going to do something completely inappropriate with one of the Gen Ed kids. To ice the cake, I'm also getting his brother who is in Kindergarten. I sat there at lunch and just wanted to cry. I am completely handicapped on this situation because nobody else has any training. I went to my Prinicipal and let him know about the student that is coming. He nearly flipped. He asked me why we were taking this kid at all and I said that was a really good question. Then I directed him to my other boss-The School Psychologist. My Principal said it wasn't worth the $25K they were saving by not sending this kid to the county program. I said that's right because the money this district would lose in a lawsuit once the child hurts someone would be way more than that. I have some very tiny students and my class is working very well without having to worry about when someone is going to be injured. This is the part about Moderate/Severe I completely hate. When do the rights of one child outweigh the rights of nine others to a safe, appropriate and nuturing classroom? When does the rights of one child outweigh my rights as a teacher (and woman) to a safe work environment free from injury or sexual harassment?

 

 

               My boss comes to me today to ask me to come to a Student Study Meeting on a different campus for a child in Gen Ed. on Wed. because all of a sudden I have this reputation for solving behavior problems (and she's the school psych). I don't mind really and the case is interesting. I do admit that in my six years, I've had some wild behaviors in my classrooms that I've dealt with. This child in question has been crying every single day of school since Kindergarten and the child is now in First Grade. I don't mean the tears here-and-there crying but full out wailing for 7 hours straight every day. I, of course, had a gazillion questions to try and figure out if this was behavior or psychological. Of course, nobody had any info. So, I immediately asked for some medical background history along with everything else. Everyone seems  to think it's behavioral but I think we are looking at something more than that. What would Dr. House do? He would write everything on the board and then do a process of elimination via medical tests and damn near kill his patient. I don't plan on killing the child but I would like to see some psych tests done along with other testing. The school and my boss want to send the crier to my classroom for a few days to see if I can "fix" him. Oh yeah...sure...let me get my magic wand. That's the last thing I need to hear because seven hours of crying will set me off let alone my students! Hopefully, I can help solve this problem. I already have a few things in mind plus DSM-IV description of the behavior in question.

 

 

                  A few of my friends know that all of a sudden, I am teaching Gen Ed Kindergarten students in my district's afterschool program and Saturday school for our Migrant program. This all just started today. I had originally interviewed to teach ESL at one of our community colleges but was not offered the job. However, I did make the cut with one other person so I'll probably teach for them in the Spring. It was just as well and I think the universe conspired to keep me where I am at the moment so I can work with our migrant students. I have been assigned 18 5 year olds. This is a completely new experience for me. I was a bit nervous today as I met my students because all I have ever taught is Special Ed. The students are really cute and I think they were more nervous about being with me than I them. I did notice one thing right away. None of them seem to know how to have fun in class. They have been so bombared with academics that when you actually pull out the dittos from them, they don't know how to respond. There is more than one way to teach a concept and you all know I am the queen of hands-on learning. I mean, how else would I reach my own students? I blame the whole standards based curriculum NCLB crap for taking the creativity and fun out of learning. I feel so blessed that I have to resort to being creative everyday to teach. If I had to do scripted programs day in-and-day out with nothing but color/cut/paste dittos, I would cut my own throat to stop the torture.  While those programs do have their value, it turns true innovative teachers into drones. I wish there were some way for Gen Ed teachers to have a little creativity and autonomy in their classrooms. I really feel for them. Today I am happy to be a Special Ed. teacher. I truly have the best gig going :)

 

 

              After two days of hiding out, I met again tonight with the aracnoterrorist on my way to my mailbox. This time I took no chances and killed the black widow with my shoe. It was one quick merciful kill to send it off to become a butterfly or whatever the next step up in the reincarnation chain is. It would be nice to have a man around to help with things like that but I can't wait for Prince Charming to show up. I am strong....invincible....I am woman....a woman with a shoe and no patience!

 

 

 

                  There is some serious full moon action going on in my classroom right now. How do I know this? Everyone has gone insane and I'm a witness to that fact. Today during Language Arts, I was playing my vocabulary flashcard game with the kids. They love it because they can be as loud and obnoxious as they want without getting into trouble for that. Basically I give descriptions of items and then hold up the picture card for the class to tell me what it is. The first person who gets it right gets the card. At the end of the game, we count of up the cards (a little math thrown in there) and the person with the most cards is the winner. The works well even for those who do not have the best speech. I always give them a little extra help so everyone gets at least one card. Isaiah A is my vocabulary champ. I've almost resorted to taking him out of the game to help me with the cards so that his classmates might stand a chance. Today he was on fire. Each time a student gets the answer correct, they have to come up and get their card. This also allows them to get out of their seat without getting into trouble and some of them need that. Isaiah A got a word correct and he had to come get his card. All of a sudden he zooms up to the front of the room, strikes a pose as if he was a super hero, picks up the card and zooms as if he has a cape on all the way back to his seat. I sat there looking a little stunned for I have never seen him do this before. I look at Mrs. Jackie and she's cracking up. I say nothing and go on with the game. Again Isaiah gets the word correct and again he does the super hero thing. Thus Captain Vocabulary is born.

                 Now this whole thing would have been cute if it weren't for the fact that there was nothing I could do to shut my class up today. This was one of those days I drove home in silence. They simply could not help themselves except for when the Prinicpal came in to observe and I threatened them to have them go with him when he left if they couldn't be quiet.  I noticed after he left, there was a growing noise in room. Every single child was making some kind of sound. There was low grade howling, hoots, cackles, popping noises with the mouth, finger druming on the table, imaginary conversations taking place with the voices in their heads, grunting, and unrecognizable animal sounds. I just sort of stood there and took it in for a moment. I suppose if you had set it music it could have been interesting instead of the cacophony of random sounds. America's Got Talent won't be calling us anytime soon :)

                 I found out later in the teacher's lounge that I wasn't the only one who had a class on a mission of sounds today. Apparently this was an epidemic in the Kindergarten classes. Good to know that some things are universal like a full moon.

 

 

                      This morning Isaiah came in with a new haircut. We all admired it. Kalep was half-asleep as usual with his head on the table as it normally goes every morning. He is not a morning person. Mrs. Patty has remarked to Isaiah, who is Kalep's table mate, to make sure he washed his hair tonight because he had flakes in his hair from using gel. All of sudden out of nowhere, Kalep wakes up and says, "Flakes...I love flakes"! Poor kid thought we were having cereal.

 

            

 

          

 

             This story has nothing do with school but my aides begged me to blog this as I had them in stiches this morning telling them about my evening. As long time readers of this blog know, I have a spider phobia. It doesn't really apply to smaller ones. I just have a thing about black widows and larger. Last night around 10:30 p.m., I had cleaned out my cats' litter box and was going out the front door to dispose of the litter in the dumpster for my apartment.  I open the door and hanging right there in the walkway is a black widow spider. Of course, it's HUGE! I immediately freak but decide to walk around the spider so I can toss the litter which is becoming heavy. I gingerly walk way around the spider and on to the dumpster. I toss the litter and start to walk back. I start to think about how I'm going to deal with the aracnoterrorist hanging there by my front door. I thought about taking off my shoe and doing some martial arts on the spider. However, again my irrational phobia took over and I could imagine the spider jumping on me to bite my head off. Now I know rationally the spider will not do this but when you are afraid your imagination holds you hostage. I decide to walk back around the spider into the house to grab the bug spray to zap it into its next karmic incarnation. I walk back around the spider who is hanging there upside down torturing me by watching me with its eight eyes. All of a sudden I'm almost at my door and I feel a bit of spider web.  I open the door and look back. The spider is no longer there! I am suddenly paralyzed with fear. I'm standing there in my house thinking somehow the spider is now on me. I am wearing black pants so that doesn't help. My hair is down which is long and I'm now thinking what if the spider is in my hair? I cannot see behind me and I start to feel like I feel something crawling on me. Meanwhile all three of my cats are sitting there in front of me watching me freak out and secretly plotting how they are going to carry on the fun.  I am thinking at that point that I should take my clothes off. However, I'm afraid that if I did and the spider was on it, then it would bite me. So, I did what any completely crazy person would do and I turned on the shower. I got in fully clothed sans my shoes to drown the spider in case it was on me. I then took off all my clothes and threw them into the washing machine just to make sure that if the spider survived, I had an extra way of drowning it. After getting settled down a bit, I walk into my living room and there are my three cats again together under my table. The only time they hang out together like that is if they have a bug and are tag teaming it. I'm thinking that they've got the spider and one of them is going to be bit. I walk over and hold up each cat's paw to check for the spider. Of course, there is nothing and now I'm starting to think that my cats are enjoying torturing me. I open the front door again and the spider is gone. It was also gone this morning when I came out to go to work. I am still very leary of the aracnoterrorist outside my door. I need someone to tell me that I'm being crazy or would actually just come kill the spider for me so I wouldn't have gone through all the crazy drama. Hint..hint....any single guys out there willing to kill a spider for me?

 

             Today is Labor Day and thus I am off work. I don't have any stories to tell but I do have something to share which I am very excited about. Tomorrow, my class starts mainstreaming with the rest of the entire Kindergarten three times a week for Physical Education. Not only is this completely cool but I am going to be teaching PE as well. This is something I really wanted to do last year but being new and everything else, I sort of had to bide my time with the other teachers. That's the hardest part of getting any kind of inclusion. Even though it is the law, you have to have teachers who are willing to participate.  This year I went to the Kindergarten teachers at the beginning of the year and asked if we could participate with them in their physical education program. I think because they now know that my students are well behaved they are more willing to give this idea a chance. I also sold it by offering to teach a unit on a rotating basis so another teacher could have a break. It's a start. Who knows where this could lead :)

These are the musings and ponderings of a worn out teacher at the end of Week 5 of the school year:

 

             Why is it that all my students know the words faithfully to the opening song for the Spongebob Squarepants cartoon  

             ("Who lives in a pineapple under the sea...") and yet cannot sing (or say) their ABCs by rote if their lives depended on it?

 

             Why is it that my students cannot count to ten but they all know the concept of zero when the candy jar is empty?

 

             Why does the black hole of gravity centered under my classroom constantly suck my students off their chairs and  feet  at such a rate this year that I might as well hold class sitting on the floor to prevent injury?

 

             How is it that a tootise roll can take more than one bite to eat? (The small bite size ones)

 

             How is it that a student can have their shoes on the wrong feet all day even after you pointed this out six times and offered to help get them on the right feet?

 

             Does playdough really taste that good?

 

             Can sand be considered a fashion accessory especially when randomly tossed in one's hair?

 

             Does a sweetroll, fruit punch and fruit roll up really consistute a healthy breakfast as decided by the school nutritionist?

 

             Can I send the nutritionist my students after they've eaten that breakfast?

 

             Why it is that a child can get me directly in the line of fire every time they sneeze?

 

             Why it is that a good portion of my students' speech is unintelligible but words like "stupid, "shut up" and all known swear words known to mankind come out with the most pristine articulation?